Yesterday is Gone

Adopted at an early age, I had no idea what was going on or what was about to happen to me. I found myself growing up in a household with people that abused me mentally, physically, and emotionally. Not knowing how to deal with living in a loveless home, I began to act out.

I was out of control in school. I made sure I got good grades. My behavior, on the other hand, showed that I was a troubled child. I did not listen to teachers, principals, or anyone else. I pulled fire alarms and locked classroom and bathroom doors. I was always in the principal's office for fighting or stealing. I even remember sliding down the front hall in my slip. That was just kindergarten.

I began drinking, drugging, and smoking cigarettes at the age of twelve. At that time, I felt like I was completely free of all emotion. There was nothing or no one that was ever going to hurt me again. I had become just as toxic as my environment.

I carried all that baggage to college with me. It was there I met my children's father. From infidelity to prison, the back-and-forth in this relationship was shameful, to say the least. This had to be the pettiest relationship I have ever seen or been in.

Instead of walking away, we got married and had two daughters together. It was thirteen long years of heavy drinking, drugging, and domestic violence. Our children witnessed far too much far too soon. I was creating more damaged goods.